Not Much Fun In the Funhouse

Psycho is not having a lot of fun today. Psycho is feeling tired, whiny, and ignored. It might me feel better to choke a bitch, in other words, one of those condescending assholes that uses the phrase "attention seeking behavior" to describe someone who is having a psych crisis of some kind. I would like to kick 'em hard. Yeah, that might make me feel better. But there ain't a bitch to choke around here right now.

I am actually not a violent person. I just talk this way because it relieves stress. I can see myself doing it, in kind of a cartoonish fashion. But really I would be more likely to attack with words than with my hands. I would likely only attack with my hands to defend myself, unless I were severely provoked. But there is a part of me that relishes the idea of kicking the living crap out of some condescending asshole that really deserves it.

I get really mad at myself when I end up falling apart for weeks on end after a confrontation. Because after a confrontation, I question absolutely everything I think, do, or say. I do not enjoy confrontation. Some fuckers just like to stir the shit. That is all they live for. They are fucking wastes of skin. This recent confrontation I had really took the wind out of my sails. I saw myself as exposed for a complete fraud. I just told the dick weed I wasn't going to feed his stupid trollish ways by getting into an argument with him. His argument was full of holes, yet I backed off because there were parts of it that actually hit home. I do sometimes feel like a fraud about having beliefs in the supernatural. I can't prove how I get the information that I get in my Tarot readings. I just get it. That's all. This is the problem with parapsychology. It's very difficult to PROVE, the way you would prove that there are red blood cells in your blood. The way to prove there are red blood cells is by taking a blood drop and viewing it under a microscope--which is actually pretty cool. Voila--red blood cells! But you can't do that with things like ghosts. It is a very subjective experience. And with card readings, well, the proof is in the pudding, so to speak. It either happens that way or it doesn't.

An interesting thing is, people expect psychics to be right 100% of the time. But doctors and other real-world scientists are not right 100% of the time.

Thing is, I'm pretty sure this fucker was stirring shit with me just to stir shit, and I fell into it. I hate the fact that I'm that weak and stupid.

I've always believed in being honest. But when you reveal very personal details about sensitive things in your life, even if you are not using your real name, and you are pretty public about who you are and even trying to get followers...especially if there is another person involved in these details...

THAT IS JUST STUPID!!!!

I think that I have finally learned not to be idealistic. I would like to believe there is a benevolent higher power(s) and at the very least that people who do evil shit get payback. But with a lot of the shit that goes down, I'm not sure I can believe it.

Why is it that whenever I learn a lesson the lesson always boils down to me being stupid, expecting too much, and believing that things can turn out nice? Or believing that I have any kind of intelligence, skills, or talents? Time and time again it is proved out, it is just like those assholes in high school said, I am nothing but an ugly freak that no-one can ever love. I will never amount to anything, I will always be a joke.

This is the last time that I will ever get on my soapbox for any kind of cause. I can't make a difference. I can only be made a fool.

Born to be down,

xoxo

PSYCHO