A couple boxes of special variety organic canned tomatoes arrived at my P.O. box for me today. Wondered what was in the heavy boxes-Surprise

http://ping.fm/zYCzi Crazy Who Will Win Quinn holiday episode.

http://ping.fm/jZpBs My first Scenic Sunday post, with pix of snowy mountains.

Wish I didn't have to work tonight. Getting really burned out on my job again.

Fiend cat is trying to steal the Brie cheese from my sandwich. This animal knows no shame!

Gay men and heterosexual women have similarly shaped brains, research shows | Science | The Guardian Myself, I am a fabulous gay man trapped in the body of a frumpy heterosexual woman. http://ping.fm/Y3pYg

The waking nightmare of sleep paralysis | Chris French | Science | guardian.co.uk I undergo this with far more frequency than I like. Once in a lifetime would be too much! http://ping.fm/Ndb85

Behcet's Disease A dibilitating, life changing illness. - What are the symptoms? http://ping.fm/IWt33

Lifes Spacings: WARNING http://ping.fm/kFsQq

Rattling Bones Undead Musician Magazine: Buzzin Glows with Holiday Spirit http://ping.fm/J2wzJ

Seeing inside the brain | Science | guardian.co.uk http://ping.fm/ZaEbP

Time to stop wasting time ruminating and get writing. Stores are to be avoided at all costs today. My family will dine on pizza tonight.

I want to change my FB profile name to Blooming Psycho. But they have to approve all name changes. How likely are they to approve that one?

If you live or around Montreal, my weather program tells me there is a freezing rain warning for you folks. Be careful out there, eh?

Missed my dose of Lithium last night. Feeling rather f**ked right now but want to wait till next scheduled dose so as to stay on schedule.

Blooming Psycho's Funhouse: Fantasy Addiction http://ping.fm/nW9KL

For various reasons, the day after the holiday celebrations are over always sucks for me on an emotional level.

Some things are never funny - Lilys New Strange World Today http://ping.fm/mRQmW

Fantasy Addiction

What is Fantasy Addiction?
by Katherine Bouglai

Have you ever been in love with someone who doesn't seem to even notice you exist? You go home and fantasize about him or her being in a relationship with you. Then the next day you see this person in real life only to realize that you can't even talk to each other. You know she is unavailable and you don't want to take any chances. Or perhaps you already took your chances and it didn't work out to your advantage. You may even feel uncomfortable in each other's presence. The energy is strong and it makes it hard to be yourself.

Fantasy addiction is bitter sweet, it makes you feel good at first but if you won't let go of your fantasy, it will turn into longing that will eat you up like a parasite. Letting go of a fantasy is not the same as giving up on a dream. There are good reasons why we dream and fantasize about the things we want to have. Having visions about what your heart desires is a first step to making it happen. However, lingering to those visions can only delay them from being manifested. And that's exactly what fantasy addiction is, lingering and earning. Eventually your dream will turn into a painful empty feeling of an unmet need that will prompt you to do something about it and soon. Get your needs met or make them go away. Since you can't meet your needs at this time, you're only left with the other alternative. Ironically, the quickest way to numb those needs for now is to fantasize more. Now you got yourself into a vicious circle.

Interestingly enough, fantasy addiction happens because at some point we have given up on a bigger dream. Hard to believe, isn't it? Think about it though; remember the time before you met this person. How did you feel or think about falling in love then? Did you believe you couldn't? Were you convinced that no one will fall for you? Were you telling yourself things like "love is for anybody but not for me" or "love will only get you hurt so why bother?" And then suddenly, out of the blue you meet this mysterious person who gives you butterflies in your stomach and everything you used to believe about love that was discouraging, all the things you did not want to believe in the first place - are not true! Halleluiah! Now this mystery man or mystery woman is the answer. He or she is your proof that you CAN indeed fall in love again. It is great that you feel this way now, but there is a trap. If for some reason your mystery man isn't into you as much as you are into him, all the negative self-talk you were giving yourself before he came along becomes true again.

Of course, there is a very good reason why this keeps happening. All the negative self-talk about love bringing pain and heartache, fantasy about unavailable person, unwillingness to take risks are serving you one big purpose - to protect you against the pain you believe love will bring you. Only the truth is that love never brings you pain, it's your thoughts and your beliefs that do.

Copyright (c) 2009 Katherine Bouglai

Katherine Bouglai

Personal Empowerment Coach

www.coaching4singles.com

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Little Fairy's Secret

PLEASE COME MEET LITTLE FAIRY

Why forgiveness is overrated

 From the article on Huffington Post:

The current Archbishop of Dublin, Diarmuid Martin, has conceded that the sexual abuse of a child is a crime in both civil and canon law. You might, perhaps, think that someone who's read the New Testament might conclude it wasn't a great idea on other grounds, too, but we're clearly not talking about a nation of religious Einsteins. What we are talking about is a state-sanctioned squad of (presumably psychopathic) paedophiles who systematically set about destroying people's lives. But now, luckily, the Catholic Church is sorry.

Six thousand miles away, another prominent Christian is sorry. He's called Kaing Guek Eav, but he's better known as Comrade Duch. As head of Tuol Sleng prison from 1975 to 1979, he was the Khmer Rouge's executioner-in-chief. The prisoners in his care were beaten, mutilated and subjected to electric shocks, and then bludgeoned to death and buried in mass graves. "I am," he calmly told a packed courtroom this week, "solely and individually responsible for the loss of at least 12,380 lives." And then he made an astonishing request. "As for the families," he said, "I am asking you to kindly leave your door open for me to make my apologies. May I meet with you to allow me to share your intense and enduring sorrow?"

There has, apparently, been no great rush. Which, perhaps, isn't surprising. There's hardly a single person in Cambodia who was not affected by the mass manipulation, and mass murder, by the Khmer Rouge. Everyone lost relatives. Many lived in (cramped, filthy, degrading) refugee camps for years and years. When you ask Cambodians about that period in their (very recent) history, they mostly go quiet. On a trip to the country earlier this year, our guide took us to Tuol Sleng, pointed to the torture chambers, and refused to go inside. And why would you want to? Why would you want to see the blood on the floor, or walls, or ceiling, that might be your father's, or your uncle's, or your aunt's? What can you say? That that was then and it's all fine now? But it isn't fine now, and I'm not sure it ever will be.

These fine "gentlemen" are deserving of the eternal and enduring hobnail boot of fate delivered swiftly to the groin.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Ayalis Clay Oliver: 76-Year Old Accused Of Killing Son On Thanksgiving Over Household Chores

Why does this s**t always seem to happen in Colorado Springs? That town is really going to hell these days. I'm so glad I live on the North end of the state. Which of course is perfect and there is no crime. (sarcasm)

This being said, my mantra for the day is "WTF is wrong with people???" thanks to having read several articles like this. If they wanted the dude to leave and he refused, couldn't the guy have called the cops?

This is one really screwed up family. I can't even imagine shooting your own child.

As to all the "spare the bullet spoil the child" jokes. Yeah, ha ha, real funny. Especially after the tenth time. A real riot. And so original. So glad to see there is no shortness of compassion these days.

Here is the assertion of the (likely) Fundie Republican user, America99:
the father had every right to ...probabl­y a deadbeat son that wouldnt leave the house

 

SouthernYankeeBelle replied:

america99, what kind of person are you? How about the father getting up and going to another room and calling police to have his son removed from the house. Police come remove son and father and mother can go back to their quiet evening without the son. But come on what is wrong in america when you settle everything with a freakin gun. America is becoming the wild wild west. How sad to show generations of children how to settle things. Not really bright.

 

I completely agree with SouthernYankeeBelle. Unless there was a direct threat to someone's life or safety, such a thing should never, ever have happened. There are these people called the police who should have been telephoned to remove the gentleman in question. Perhaps he should have been incarcerated if he were being belligerent, but I see no reason to believe that he should be lying on a slab in the morgue.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Paul Merhige Wanted: Man Accused Of Gunning Down Family, Executing Girl During Thanksgiving Visit

WTF??? I mean, seriously. If you hate your family couldn't you just, oh...avoid them?

Now I realize that this guy obviously has a serious mental illness. But I find it hard to muster compassion for him, although I live with a major mental illness myself (bipolar disorder.) Of course this story needs to be reported, but the other thing that tends to happen when stories like this hit the news is that all people who live with mental illness tend to suffer because the general public tends to see us all as having this seething inner violence and being ready to blow like a volcano at any time. The truth is that most mentally ill individuals are not violent and that if they are going to "blow" they tend to turn it on themselves. A mentally ill individual is far more likely to commit suicide than to kill another person.

That being said, I am having trouble mustering compassion for this guy. I am against the death penalty, but he is making me question my belief right about now. Hells bells...th­ese poor people. I feel so bad for them. Nobody can ever truly recover from such a terrible loss.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Not Much Fun In the Funhouse

Psycho is not having a lot of fun today. Psycho is feeling tired, whiny, and ignored. It might me feel better to choke a bitch, in other words, one of those condescending assholes that uses the phrase "attention seeking behavior" to describe someone who is having a psych crisis of some kind. I would like to kick 'em hard. Yeah, that might make me feel better. But there ain't a bitch to choke around here right now.

I am actually not a violent person. I just talk this way because it relieves stress. I can see myself doing it, in kind of a cartoonish fashion. But really I would be more likely to attack with words than with my hands. I would likely only attack with my hands to defend myself, unless I were severely provoked. But there is a part of me that relishes the idea of kicking the living crap out of some condescending asshole that really deserves it.

I get really mad at myself when I end up falling apart for weeks on end after a confrontation. Because after a confrontation, I question absolutely everything I think, do, or say. I do not enjoy confrontation. Some fuckers just like to stir the shit. That is all they live for. They are fucking wastes of skin. This recent confrontation I had really took the wind out of my sails. I saw myself as exposed for a complete fraud. I just told the dick weed I wasn't going to feed his stupid trollish ways by getting into an argument with him. His argument was full of holes, yet I backed off because there were parts of it that actually hit home. I do sometimes feel like a fraud about having beliefs in the supernatural. I can't prove how I get the information that I get in my Tarot readings. I just get it. That's all. This is the problem with parapsychology. It's very difficult to PROVE, the way you would prove that there are red blood cells in your blood. The way to prove there are red blood cells is by taking a blood drop and viewing it under a microscope--which is actually pretty cool. Voila--red blood cells! But you can't do that with things like ghosts. It is a very subjective experience. And with card readings, well, the proof is in the pudding, so to speak. It either happens that way or it doesn't.

An interesting thing is, people expect psychics to be right 100% of the time. But doctors and other real-world scientists are not right 100% of the time.

Thing is, I'm pretty sure this fucker was stirring shit with me just to stir shit, and I fell into it. I hate the fact that I'm that weak and stupid.

I've always believed in being honest. But when you reveal very personal details about sensitive things in your life, even if you are not using your real name, and you are pretty public about who you are and even trying to get followers...especially if there is another person involved in these details...

THAT IS JUST STUPID!!!!

I think that I have finally learned not to be idealistic. I would like to believe there is a benevolent higher power(s) and at the very least that people who do evil shit get payback. But with a lot of the shit that goes down, I'm not sure I can believe it.

Why is it that whenever I learn a lesson the lesson always boils down to me being stupid, expecting too much, and believing that things can turn out nice? Or believing that I have any kind of intelligence, skills, or talents? Time and time again it is proved out, it is just like those assholes in high school said, I am nothing but an ugly freak that no-one can ever love. I will never amount to anything, I will always be a joke.

This is the last time that I will ever get on my soapbox for any kind of cause. I can't make a difference. I can only be made a fool.

Born to be down,

xoxo

PSYCHO

Stolen Meme: Meet the Psycho I

I stole this from Immi.
What is your favorite color? Blues and purples
When was the last time you had a drink?
Alcoholic? last month.
Iced Tea, water, V8: daily.

Gay or Straight? 95% straight. I say this because there is a slight chance that anyone could go against their sexual orientation. I am not attracted to women. If I see a naked woman, all I see is a naked woman. I can get turned on by porn involving people of whatever sex, which is kind of weird, but I think its because of the activity, not because they are male or female. I also have an incident in my past that does trigger an arousal with female-female porn even though I'm not attracted to women in my daily life.  I was molested by a couple of girls my own age repeatedly when I was in the third grade. You may say that a child can't be molested by other children. Yes. One can. So this arousal is a shameful arousal. Its a mirror of what I felt when those girls were molesting me, and I've really never dealt with it.

I ended up finding out that I was straight for sure the one time that I did experiment with a woman. I was 35 years old, involved in a really pathological relationship with a guy much older than me, and she was a woman that people would say was "hot." A former stripper with big breasts. We worked together. I was a bartender, she was a cocktail waitress. We had gone out drinking--heavily--and one thing led to another. I was as not hot then as I am now, but thinner. Two things I noticed: I couldn't kiss her, and when we actually got to the sex part, I felt nothing. It wasn't gross, it was just nothing. In some ways it's kind of a shame because I have had no luck with men, even though I am attracted to them. I end up with the same man every time: the wrong one. He just has a different body each time. And a different alibi for his crappy behavior. ;-)

Oh well. People with borderline personality disorder (at least this person with borderline personality disorder) aren't capable of having healthy relationships anyway. I really don't want another one. But I can still dream of the dudes!

Married or Single? Single. I’m horrible at romatic or mated or whathaveyou relationships. See the Borderline Personality Disorder thing. I choose the wrong guy and turn into a jealous psycho. Not a good plan.

If you could go back in time, where would you go? I've learned that you can't go back in time and change things no matter how much you want to. But I would like to have a chat with H.P. Lovecraft and Edgar Allan Poe and see what they think about some of my ideas.

Do you have any children? College age son

When were you diagnosed as bipolar? Six years ago as Bipolar II but I can remember seeing signs of it as early as nine years old when I began to hit puberty.

Do you have any siblings? One brother. He's four years younger than me and about a foot taller.

Where do you work? In the medical field. Not a wise plan to mention your place of employment online!

What are you life plans? To get my ass out of debt and hopefully eventually make enough money freelancing that I don't have to work overtime (or for anyone else at all) anymore. Maybe to get my LCSW license so I can be a counselor.

Where all have you lived? All over the damn place. Currently live in Colorado.

Happy Thanksgiving, people. Eat turkey or tofu turkey or whatever you eat. And now I'm off to spend time with my family.

xoxo,

PSYCHO

Welcome

Welcome to Blooming Psycho's Funhouse. I will blog about whatever, probably mostly about psych issues. I do have some psych training and as I have been more mentally stable (generally speaking) in the past six years following my diagnosis with bipolar disorder, I will probably seek more training at some point. It's kinda hard to teach an old dog new tricks and I am trying to create some stability in my life.

I choose the anonymity of a "handle" or pseudonym for several reasons. Of course having bipolar disorder, I am paranoid to a degree, but you aren't paranoid if they really are out to get you, and there have been cases of people losing their jobs due to their online activities. Well, you won't see pictures of my boobs or ass splattered around the internet, and believe me, you are very glad about this. I am neither young nor "hawwwwt." What you see is what you get, and what you get is a grouchy middle aged fat broad. So for anyone who was intending to insult me by saying "you old fat bitch," my reply would be "yeah, and?"

However, even though I'm not Girls Gone Wild material (or even Old Fat Broads Gone Wild material) I would have reason to worry that perhaps my opinions might get me in deep doo doo with my employers. They are a Christian organization and I am not a Christian. I don't have a problem with Christ, I have a problem with the churches that use his name. I don't like organized religion. Jesus is good by me, though, I like the guy. So if you are an open-minded Christian, please feel free to speak your piece. I'm not going to attack you. If you are here to convert me, move along. My handbasket is already fully stocked with snacks and my favorite "devil" music and I'm ready for my journey!

There is also continued prejudice against people with mental illness in this day and age and while it is technically illegal to fire someone for having a mental illness, that would not be the reason I would be fired. My direct supervisor is aware of my illness. The president of the organization is not. And I intend to keep it that way for my own protection.

I will blog about my own thoughts and feelings regarding my life, and about real-world events. You are free to disagree but if you are an asshole about it, you will simply be shuffled away to the trash. Troll and Trash both start with the letter T. This may or may not be a cosmic revelation. I'm leaning towards cosmic revelation, myself. Troll opinions are trash and people who go around trying to stir shit up because they are petty little nobodies that feel bad about being petty little nobodies are trash. So, Troll = Trash. Sometimes the Universe is just chock full of obvious revelations. Other times you sit there screaming FUCKING GIVE ME A SIGN and you can depend on the delivery being held up at the pass. That's just how shit works. Don't ask me why.

But don't be scared. My bark is generally worse than my bite. If you find something appealing about what I'm dishing out, feel free to speak your piece.

xoxo,

PSYCHO