Psycho is doing a little better and appreciates those who have stood by me and not judged me. This sort of thing lets me know who my true friends are.
In sad news, my online friend
Wanda's son died unexpectedly. I know she is hurting a lot. I can't imagine the horror. If any of you know Wanda, or if you just want to drop by and show her some support, I know it is like putting a band aid on a gushing wound. But knowing she is loved may bring her a little peace.
My own son is struggling with depression/anxiety and agoraphobia. The legacy of mental illness did not pass him by, sadly. The difference became apparent when he turned thirteen. He has a great counselor and I will be taking him to see a psychiatrist about trying some medication. This is his decision, I would never force it on him. My own parents are clueless. They keep coming up with ideas like "he could come live with us for the summer and work as a caretaker in the cemetery." So not going to happen! I might suggest a similar job in the city we live in or the city his best friend lives in, which is just 10 miles from here. The outdoor work might be good for him.
I understand what is wrong with my son and do all I can to support him. His father makes me nuts, though. I know he also has problems but sometimes I feel like he is a freeloading albatross. He lives here--NOT A ROMANTIC SITUATION, LET ME MAKE THAT CLEAR! We have been divorced since 1994. We have always been family, though. I played my own part in the divorce, I am not an innocent victim. I am a person with borderline personality disorder and, at the time, undiagnosed bipolar disorder. He has depression but the worst thing is if I tell him I need him to do something I get the hang dog look and then he takes to his bed for ten hours like I just beat him with sticks. It is very hard to deal with. I am the only one in this family that works. My son wants to go to college and to work, but his agoraphobia stops him. When he was at college he found it difficult to get out of his room and go to class, which is why he had to come home. It is beyond tragic because he has a sub-genius IQ and is very creative. Sadly, he spends most of his days playing computer games. This is what his father does too.
Then there are my parents. No, they don't live here, or believe me, I would be boozin'! They live about 25 miles away. My father had a stroke in June of 2004. He is very dependent. My mother is his 24-7 caretaker. She is very stressed out and tired. It is not a good situation.
Now maybe the reasons can be seen why I need a miracle!
All the love in the world to Wanda. She did not need what happened to her--nobody needs that. But she has already been through so much hell. Sometimes this world seems so cruel.
I do not believe in the Fundamentalist Christian concept of God--or at least I don't worship that God because I don't like his style. Meting out punishment on people who may not see fit to worship you seems pretty damn egotistical. I do believe in a variety of gods and goddesses, which in my view are very powerful spirits, and I believe in something like the American Indian concept of a "Great Spirit," which created all things. The Great Spirit does not need for people to worship it, but communing with it can bring peace. Animals do this naturally. Modern people have lost the ability and have to concentrate deliberately.
The Great Spirit doesn't interfere in the affairs of the world. But communing with the energy of creation can increase one's own abilities, and creating with some of the other deities, who are personifications of natural energies, can cause great things to be accomplished and bring peace to one's life.
Anyway, that's my opinion.
