Gaslighting

Why I'm slow to trust:

I've had gaslighting done to me by so many people throughout my life. People that I thought I loved. People who claimed they loved me. I feel like an emotional punching bag. So I hide away in my little nest. This keeps me a little bit safe but also keeps me separate from other people. I am terribly lonely. I miss visits from my online "friends and appreciate those who do occasionally drop by."

While I have felt glimmers of hope, this sadness has really not left me for an entire month. As I rapid cycle this is somewhat unusual. I am no longer quite as suicidal, but the hopelessness is still there. The resignation to duty with no fulfillment or joy. And I punish myself for not bootstrapping myself up better.