Suicide Ideation: 9 out of 10 razor blades
Suicide Planning: 5 out of 10 razor blades
This has been one unholy motherfucker of a month! Shit is not working--in spades. Medications have never worked for me, but I wonder if I need to go to the doctor and find something that can temporarily numb me out, at least until I'm done with this damn nursing program. If I were fully in control of the situation I would just withdraw myself. Evidently, it is bad for me. But since my family is still in control of my life because they are helping pay some of my bills AND NO I CAN'T JUST NOT DO THIS OR I WILL BE HOMELESS AND SO WILL MY SON AND ALL MY ANIMALS!!!!!! I have no choice.
I am so fucking depressed. In the past there was always a glimmer of hope for the future. Now I don't even have that much and I am wondering what is the sense of continuing on this way.
2 comments:
I am sorry you are so depressed. That sucks that your family has put such conditions on you. Do they realize just how miserable you are?
Since you are concerned for your son and animals, what will happen if you are gone?
Usually when I'm so down, I just remember who would be hurt by such things. So, I don't have a whole lot of advice plus you haven't asked for that.
I wish you hope and peace. I can at least offer support on not ending it. Take care! *hugs* <3
January has really sucked, big time.
Boy, am I ever good at encouraging words, NOT.
There is a better tomorrow out there. We just have to keep looking for it.
Getting Reacquainted in 55
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