Suicide Ideation: 9 out of 10 razor blades
Suicide Planning: 5 out of 10 razor blades
This has been one unholy motherfucker of a month! Shit is not working--in spades. Medications have never worked for me, but I wonder if I need to go to the doctor and find something that can temporarily numb me out, at least until I'm done with this damn nursing program. If I were fully in control of the situation I would just withdraw myself. Evidently, it is bad for me. But since my family is still in control of my life because they are helping pay some of my bills AND NO I CAN'T JUST NOT DO THIS OR I WILL BE HOMELESS AND SO WILL MY SON AND ALL MY ANIMALS!!!!!! I have no choice.
I am so fucking depressed. In the past there was always a glimmer of hope for the future. Now I don't even have that much and I am wondering what is the sense of continuing on this way.
