I have such serious abandonment issues that whenever someone, even a periphery person, abandons me, I feel like my heart is being ripped out. The person doing the abandoning will say well your pain is not my problem, and they are right. But it doesn't hurt any less. I don't try to be a useless freak, I really don't. It isn't all my fault. I am straight up about who I am from the beginning. And some of these fuckers will say well that's okay I accept you how you are. BUT YOU REALLY FUCKING DON'T! And then you abandon me and this is the result.
Yes, I am really a mess. But if you can't take on a mess, don't take me on and then dump me. That is just fucking evil.
I want to love but it turns out wrong
I want to live but I don't belong
I close my eyes and I see blood and roses
(Blood & Roses: The Smithereens)
1 comments:
Abandonment is a HUGE issue for me. When anyone leaves, it always feels like abandonment even if I know it isn't true...that is the pain that it feels like.
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