Maybe Not Lazy

I would like to share this great post by my blog friend Kate White on Healthy Place blogs about "laziness" and depression. I will also share my reply.

In my teen years I constantly heard how lazy I was. I always felt like if I couldn’t be perfect I shouldn’t try at all. I learned at 16 that I had hypothyroidism, but the pills didn’t help. I learned at 25 that I have fibromyalgia, but nobody taught me how to deal with it. I learned at 38 that I have type II bipolar disorder that the doctors kept misdiagnosing as depression with anxiety. Finally a counselor asked some questions that led to the discovery of a pattern and the beginning of my taking lithium. This helped with the irritability, but the constant exhaustion was still there. I learned in the past year that I also have borderline personality disorder and that my hoarding problems are not due to being lazy, they are part and parcel of my obsessive-compulsive disorder. I am struggling to get on top of many, many, many years worth of avoiding the problem and hating myself.

OCD and Me

I have OCD comorbid with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. Most of my OCD symptoms are fairly mild and in my control, but the hoarding aspect (items, not animals) does interfere with my life to a degree. I have trouble throwing things out for fear that I may need them later. It isn't to the extreme degree that one sees on the television program but it does make life more difficult.

I remember noticing symptoms of OCD when I was about 6 years old. I had a system of counting that I relied on to choose my clothes for the day. This is pretty harmless. I still use it when I'm being indecisive. I also get bugged when I'm putting messages on the boards at work and the push pin colors don't match. Not out of control angry or anything, it just distracts me, so if someone has put up a bulletin and the push pins don't match I change them so they do.